The Gordon Ramsey Foul Mouthed School of Intelligent Design

The following quote comes from Hugh Ross’ web site here. Ross is an “Old Earth” Christian believer. However he doesn’t believe in evolution. Here is his take on the origins of life:

As Fuz and I described in our book, Origins of Life, the existence of liquid water conditions within a few limited refuges at intermittent times throughout 4.38 to 3.85 bya provides a superior explanation for the zircon and rock remains.5 This scenario leaves open the possibility that God intervened every time, or nearly every time, liquid water was present on Earth to create life. When that life was destroyed by a bombardment event, God simply waited for the liquid water to reappear to create life again. (This is why we used the word “origins”–as opposed to “origin”–in our book title.) In More Than a Theory, I suggest that God might have chosen this repeated origins-of-life strategy as a tool to jumpstart the chemical transformation of Earth’s atmosphere.

This strikes me as all rather anthropomorphic. In fact given that some people have likened the big bang to a kind of cosmic cookery and that anthropomorphisms don’t come any stronger than in the banter of TV chef Gordon Ramsey, let’s imagine it was Gordon who cooked up the hot big bang roughly 15 billion years ago. He then travels around his shiny new universe looking for spots suitable for a sophisticated experiment in chemical engineering (which is basically what cookery is all about, I suppose). Trouble is, as far as we know no spot for this work turns up for a long time; about 10 billion years in fact, when at last he discovers the Earth. He intervenes in its chemistry and cooks up some life wherever he finds the suitable ingredients in the primeval soups of its waters. Things are looking up, until suddenly:

“Oh sh*t” said God Gordon “I completely forgot about those f*ck*ng” meteors I created. They’ve completely wrecked my experiment. I’ll have to wait for another few million years before the conditions are right”

A few million years later….

“Right here goes one more time..tum..ti..tum…ti...tum.. ” (sploshing & pouring sounds at this point, along with the occasional clink of Pyrex) ….. There you go, life once again!”

A little later, guess what….

“F*ck! I don’t believe it! Those d*mn meteors have wiped out life again. I’ll have to start all over! If at first you don’t succeed try, try again!

So Gordon keeps at it until at last the late heavenly bombardments ceases and life gets a hold. But Gordon learns a lesson:

“This universe I’ve created is cr*p; it keeps doing things that I don’t want or expect. That’s the last time I create through secondary causes because I can never tell when it’s going to f*ck up. No more Mr. Deist; from now on its going to be Mr. F*ck*ng Interventionist! Then I’ll know where I am”.

So with a bit of chemical tinkering here and there life gets going. The end of Permian extinction and the Cretaceous meteor strike are setbacks, but finally life on planet Earth flourishes. However, after nearly 5 billion years of intelligent design Gordon is in for the shock of his life:

“F*ck! F*ck! It, looks as though I’m back to square one again!

The news? Human beings have appeared on planet Earth along with their free will and weapons of mass destruction.

I think there is something seriously wrong with the above concept of deity. However, the comments that somebody left on my blog here come to mind...